Grief

This story was first published on the Thomson FBC website in 2001. I hope it continues to help those that grieve the loss of a love.

Many people ask me how can I be so joyful in the face of difficulties. My name is Tinye. I am a member of First Baptist Church in Thomson. I have two sons, a wonderful family, plenty of Christian friends. If you do not know me, you do not see the difficulties, because it is part of God's plan for me to rise above the challenges of life to glorify Him. It is my desire to do just that.

I have the challenges of being a single mother. My late husband Ron was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis several years ago, but his first symptoms began just months after we were married. For the first years we were able to make adjustments to our lifestyle to accommodate his gradual increase in disabilities. During this time we made some decisions about our lives as Christians, parents, and as husband and wife that have helped me in the past few years. For a while I was able to take care of Ron at home, but eventually his needs became so great, that something else had to be done. Ron and I had
discussed what we would do when the time came that he could not longer stay at home. While his mind was still clear, he had made provisions for me to take over the family finances, a job that I did not like to do. He had seen to it that there was disability insurance to help with our expenses and had provided a
notebook for me with all the vital information I would need in case he could no longer take care of us. We also saw our lawyer and made legal decisions that needed to be made for just such a time. We did not try to hide the seriousness of Ron’s illness from the boys. We needed to work as a family and they needed to know how they could help.

At the onset of his disease, we all had questions about why this would happen to us. Ron and I were able to grow in our faith as we realized we could know the Who and not necessarily know the Why. As parents we were able to guide the boys into their relationship with God. We prayed together a lot and discussed scripture we found that strengthened each of us. Ron and I came to the realization that his being healed may not be part of God's plan for our lives. We did however, feel that God had a plan in our lives and our family. We have never felt like we have been forsaken. One promise that Ron and I claimed through out his illness is found in Romans 8:28, "All things work together for good to those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." Ron and I could see the good in his illness. We used this terrible circumstance as a witness to others of the joy and strength that comes only from God. Ron lost his fight with Multiple Sclerosis on February 2, 2000.

We have been blessed with so much because of Ron's illness. We have a wonderful supportive group of Christian friends who have done everything from clean up our yards to stage a womanless wedding to help us with medical expenses. Our families have been there to take up the slack in car-pooling the boys to school and helping me with the care and discipline needed by two boys. Their friends have been there to support them and they have learned to not feel sorry for what they do not have, but to thank God for what they do have.

I have grown in my faith at the times when I really would like to have Ron here to talk over a problem and instead I have to rely on God to help me with a decision only I can make. Instead of sitting back and feeling sorry for myself, I have learned to share my feelings with others and to delve into God's word and
other Christian literature.

I would encourage all couples to appreciate your spouse more. Don't take each other for granted. Prepare for the future financially and legally. Include your children in the circumstances of your family life and show them how they can help. Most of all don't take your ministry as a family for granted. God can use you where you are and will use you if you are available to let any circumstance be used for His
glory; and a "peace that goes beyond human understanding" will be with you, too.